woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
