if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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