it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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