You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
