All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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