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yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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