After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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