i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
