I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
