I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
