Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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