just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
