Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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