For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
