Three words: puerto rican gang bang
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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