so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
