You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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