Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
