I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
