Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize