Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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