They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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