Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
