Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
