she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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