Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
