every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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