I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize