I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize