'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
