is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
