Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
