oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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