Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
