you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
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and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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