I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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