guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize