There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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