More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
