As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
