JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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