you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
