i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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