...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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