youre lurking in front of me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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