My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my liver is dry heaving
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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