Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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