I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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