We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids