You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is my gift to your gina
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.