Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?