There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We don't watch enough power rangers
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.