make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me