i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."