i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS