Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions