Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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