I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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