I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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