im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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