ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
