her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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