you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
