glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
