pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
