i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
