Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
