no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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